Can we say trailer trash?

I'm not one to judge...especially where one lives, but I'm pretty sure that we are headed for a tralier park.

These are just a few incidences which have me thinking so:

1)  Last week my hubby hollered (yep, hollered) out the back door..."Son, get that hose out of your pants!"

2)  My nursing infant sneezed, got a booger on me, and then proceeded to swallow it.   (I almost threw up.)

3)  My six year old daughter had to be told 10 times to pull her halter top up....her niblets were showing.  (I know, halter tops don't equal modesty...but we live heatsville...so we deal with it.)

4)  We had to get permission to attend my daughters school play...because her third grade sister had been suspended for beating up a fifth grade boy.  (Heart welling with pride.  Sigh.)

5)  My six month old son is naked more than he is clothed.

6)  My two and a half year old son constantly has his hand on his not-so-Oscar-Meyer weiner.  

7)  We take pictures of number 6.

8)  My 12 year old daughter is wearing maternity clothes.  

9)  Number 8 is because the shirts were a dollar at Wal Mart.  Now that is even scarier.   (By the way....it is cute on her and she doesn't know that it is maternity..so don't tell her!)

10)  My hubby uses the word..."quickie."

11)  My five year old daughter stole tic tacs from Safeway.  (Last night we were at a store and she asked for something and I said "you don't have any money."  Her reply:  "Mom, I know how to buy stuff without a dollar."  Pretty soon her daddy won't be the only one with a rap sheet.)

12)  Yes, my hubby has been arrested before.  Long story.  He did love community service though. 

13)  I get more excited about coupons than I do about number 10.

See?  I told you.  Get our double wide ready!  I am gonna be queen!

Love,

The Queen Maid.

Disclaimer:  No offense intended if you are a weenie grabber, a fifth grader who got whipped by a third grader, halter-top wearer, a criminal, a Wal Mart shopper, a pregnant 12 year old, or currently living in a double wide trailer.  :0)

101 Things...in 1001 Days

Sadly, I found the list.

I truely was hoping to have to write it off as the unwelcome outcome of a bout with some bad Chinese, but let's face it...even bad Chinese is good...and, well...everything is somewhere, as GSD says. (Greatest Step Dad...for those of you who never read this.)

So, it was in box of stuff that you throw in a box when you are expecting company. Along with other things...bills, cards, mismatched socks, my goldkit envelope (yep..I know, totally called them), and well...it taunted me from the box and I dared to read it.

I don't know exactly what methamphetamine I was on when I wrote it, all I can say is that I guarantee each and every one of you seven people that read my blog that I will not accomplish it in its' entirety. I don't even know if I will be able to completely finish typing it. In fact, I laugh as I read it now...thinking to myself, "Did Katie take over my brain for a minute, because I am soooo NOT doing THAT."

So, for those whose curiosity has been aroused (hee hee she said "aroused"), below is the mythical list...which once I type for you...I will probably burn...and most definitely ignore, but being the honorable maid that I am, well, I am true to my word (and from what I hear a bit freaky) if nothing else.

Uh hem (clearing throat)....here you go:

1) - Get my Master's Degree.
2) - Go to England to visit birthplace.
3) - Paint interior of house.
4) - Clean out garage. (Actually did this one a month ago, but it needs it again. Sigh.)
5) - Sell ebay items.
6) - Ship stuff that needs shipping.
7) - Get out of debt. (Oh, is that all? Sounds so simple.)
8) - Hang bathroom valances.
9) - Get all kids to the dentist for teeth cleaning.
10) - Get braces for 12 year old daughter.
11) - Maybe add revenue ads to blog...since I have so many readers. LOL
12) - Blog every day for 30 days straight. (HAHAHAHAHAHA)
13) - Turn off t.v. for 30 days straight. (Mybe #12 is possible after all.)
14) - Write and legalize will.
15) - Pay off Suburban and/or replace with 15 passenger van.
16) - Try meal planning again.
17) - Eat vegetarian meal once a week for 60 days. (Maybe plausible, since we have 76 boxes of cereal?)
18) - Try one new recipe per week.
19) - Send broken items back to manufacturer for replacement.
20) - Have "the talk" with 12 year old daughter.
21) - Go on a trip alone with my hubby.
22) - Read one new book per month for 3 months.
23) - Read the Bible through because I WANT to.
24) - Start and follow a walking regimen for 90 days.
25) - Clean out spice cabinet.
26) - Dedicate Baby to the Lord at church.
27) - Lose at least 40 pounds in a healthy non-drastic way.
28) - Clean out cabinets in every room.
29) - Simplify contents of house. (In process.)
30) - Visit my dad. (Or have him come here to visit.)
31) - Send one encouraging card every month to someone.
32) - Tell kids I love them every day.
33) - Read to kids more often.
34) - Fix big screen t.v. (Actually did this already! Woo hoo!)
35) - Take daughter on a girls only weekend.
36) - Replace flooring in carpeted rooms.
37) - Fix light balast in garage. (Okay mama...this one is done too!)
38) - Touch up paint areas where needed.
39) - Fix drywall holes.
40) - Have windows and screens washed.
41) - Set 5 year goals with hubby.
42) - Recaulk master bath.
43) - Organize important documents.
44) - Re-grout tiled areas. (Or have grout professionally cleaned.)
45) - Get kids social security cards. (For some reason two kids didn't get them in the mail after they were born several years ago.)
46) - Move to _________________. (The place my parents are moving to.)
47) - Take all kids for general physicals...wellness checks.
48) - Play more games - do game nights twice a month.
49) - Get computer fixed.
50) - Fix screens. (Sliding door and windows.)
51) - Make restitution in the areas I need to do this.
52) - Tithe faithfully for at least 12 months.
53) - Use everything up in pantry...and not buy new items until I use what is there!
54) - Use everything up in freezer...blah blah blah.
55) - Get rid of clothes that aren't worn and/or don't fit.
56) - Replace wedding ring. (Mine is broken)
57) - Sell watch.
58) - Organize costume jewelry and get rid of unwanted items.
59) - Clean under bathroom vanities and get rid of unwanted items.
60) - Floss every day for at least 60 days straight. (Usually good about this...gotten lazy.)
61) - Get professional camera and "learn" it.
62) - Take a photography course.
63) - Clean out all condiments in fridge and replace them. (Did that already!)
64) - Set up "Flylady" house cleaning system again and use it.
65) - Try and implement ongoing decluttering and cleaning system for 30 days.
66) - Add on shed for storage to side of house.
67) - Organize photos and memorabilia.
68) - Go on a scrapbooking weekend.
69) - Clean out craft closets.
70) - Get rid of kitchen items that I don't use. In process.
71) - Have a garage sale in spring. (Just did this! Gonna do it again in a week!)
72) - Go without soda for 6 weeks. (Ouch.)
73) - Weed out and replace old towels and wash cloths.
74) - Weed out and replace hair brushes and accessories.
75) - Clean out second freezer (Empty,turn off, and deep clean.)
76) - Go on a cruise with hubby.
77) - Host in-home Bible Study.
78) - Re-carpet and detail Suburban.
79) - Detail van and re-carpet too.
80) - Clean items on pot shelves and DUST up there! Ugh.
81) - Write a book.
82) - Throw big birthday bash for child number 5 who has never had a birthday party. :(
83) - Let fingernails grow out and get manicure.
84) - Pray for hubby every day for 30 days straight.
85) - Take oldest son on a trip for 18th birthday. (Just hubby and I)
86) - Visit one Foreign country that I have never been to.
87) - Go on a short term mission trip.
88) - Volunteer at a homeless shelter.
89) - Volunteer at a nursing home.
90) - Try doing workout tapes for 60 days.
91) - Write encouraging note to each of the kids.
92) - Meet 6 "new" friends for coffee or something.
93) - Re-work budget/bill to reduce output.
94) - Go on a hike with the older kids.
95) - Watch "classic" movies with kids once a month.
96) - Go to a comedy club.
97) - Pray at least once a week for one month for enemies/broken relationships.
98) - Re-upholster cedar chest with new fabric.
99) - Hang valance in family room.
100) - Get couch in family room fixed. (In process.)
101) - Re-decorate kids' rooms.

Phew. That is such a load off.
Now...imagine how I would feel if it was stuff that actually got done. LOL

Thanks for listening. Any encouragement you have to offer would be greatly appreciated! ;)

Your overwhelmed, under-motivated...MAID. :)