Disposable clothes

Okay, seeing as how I do have seven children, and only one washing machine and dryer, it is only fitting that my first blog be dedicated to the biggest issue in my home-making life. It is even bigger than the "What's for dinner?" enigma...because, as is the case in America right now, there are no drive through laundromats that throw our family's clean underwear out a small window in a paper bag with a toy. (We know this would never work because no cashier would sign up to receive dirties through a drive up window...have you seen what boys do to their underwear?) So, with that being said, let me share with you what the laundering life of a family of 9 looks like.

First of all, I am proud to share with you that last August we purchased a front-loading high-efficiency washer and dryer. Of course, these machines are not supposed to sit on the actual ground...no...they must be elevated to a proper height...less bending over and back pain, right? Well only if my hampers were on similar pedestals and no kids ever left sopping wet clothes on a floor, sigh. We did, however, fall prey to the sales persons wisdom on this issue and purchased the matching candy-apple red pedestals for our appliances. It is, a beautiful thing, I assure you. And, you can almost hear the "ta-da" each time you walk past them and they stand up tall and blink their pretty lights at you. Yes, I said lights. To start a load of clothes in what I affectionately call the Laundroghini (because, sweet people, these machines cost more than my first car), you must first press the on button...and hear the quaint little ding as the blue lights and LED display power up. No more loud laundry noises...flipping up the lid, filling it with water, dumping the soap, the clothes and slamming the lid...nope...this is streamlined! You make about as many decisions when starting the machine as you do approaching the Starbucks counter...heavy/cotton/warm/cold/high spin speed/extra water/soil level...yada yada yada. But once you figure out how to wash your wares, it is a real sense of accomplishment. I mean...I was just able to cram three comforters, a weeks worth of towels, an infant, and a kitchen rug into the thing...and it will be done in an hour. (Oh, and lest you think I don't care about the enviroment...it will use less water, less soap, and less power while doing it!) Also a huge selling point for our family...more clothes per load, less of everything else...and you don't have to bend over!

Here is what the guy didn't tell us.

Loads that used to be done in 30 minutes now take an hour. (Okay, but we can do three loads in one...so problem solved.)

Soap that used to cost $10.00 per bottle...now averages $20.00...for half the amount of soap. (Yes, but you use less...therefore it evens out, right?)

New, expensive machines with digital displays tend to break down. (Ahhh....but the geniuses at Home Depot have sold us on the benefits of the extended warranty. Ka-ching.$)

That triple duty load that you put in on the way to bed last night is now sour from sitting in the machine for more than 2 hours...yummo. I really like to smell of mildew and laundry soap. (I know, I occasionally have to rewash the load...big deal. Oops, there goes the savings on the soap, water, and power.)

And, drum roll please, the last thing the salesman didn't tell us...when you spend that kind of money on something that looks like your first car, costs as much as a set of braces, and is, well, going to take at least 24 months to pay off...chances are you don't want to put your kids' DNA in it! (You know what I mean.) Seriously, though...I was thinking, "I don't want to put this in here...it is new, sparkling clean, and let's face it...doesn't use that much water. How is this going to turn out well?"

I am happy to report to you, however, that the items do come out beautifully clean...the little airplane engine that goes Mach 3...must just fling the crap off of this stuff and well, toss a little water on it for good measure. It has indeed proven to be a timesaver, when I don't miss the polite little ding as it lands...and well, as long as it doesn't sit on the tarmac for a layover...it is all good.

And the dryer...well, fast and fresh. Not a problem.

Here I sit, though, listening to my domestic investment, and I am troubled by what happens when laundering becomes a tad more efficient. No one warned me that with such efficacy comes a new dilemma. Piles and piles of clean clothes. Baskets of clean, mismatched socks...that will, I am certain, never see their appropriate mate again. If only I could supoena the laundry fairy that so eagerly helps Kate Gosselin with her sextuplets' laundry...or the Godsend that the Duggar mom brags about that stops by each week to fold and put away their 17 kids' clean duds. Nope...my best hope lies in the husband and the three older offspring. (You know how boys fold...uh, I mean wad the clothes....and my older daughter? Yeah, right....she is left handed...the creative type. Last time she folded and put away clean clothes, I found my denim capris in my teenage sons drawer. (Lets just say that it wouldn't be a perfect fit.)

Looking on the bright side, though, I want to assure you that a large family and their laundry is a very important life lesson for my whole family. In fact, we are learning such critical problem solving skills. Here is what we have learned: if it is not in your drawer, check the couch, if it is not on the couch, check the laundryroom counter, if it is not on the counter, check the dryer, and if it is not in the dryer....wear something else. See? What a great little treasure hunt we just experienced and now we get to start all over again. :)

I know how blessed we are...that we have running water, soap, fancy machines, and even clothes without holes and with good elastic (most of them) so I won't spiral into "woe is me" on this topic. But, let me leave you with this food for thought: can we come up with the disposable clothes already? (And I don't mean just the potty-trainers messed undies that you suddenly make "disposable" because it is just too much DNA to deal with!) Can we, in our quest to solve all of lifes problems, find a moment to invent everything we need in a dry-weave, disposable garment? Can you imagine? We could pick up a month's worth at Costco...never have to pack for a family trip again, never worry about style and price...just don our Star-trek like paper suit and spend our time doing the things we love most! (Better yet, we could order our disposiclothes online and they would arrive in a discreet brown box...no one would know that we didn't even take the time to shop for our clothes!) And remember, they would be recyclable too.
Wow, I am so environmentally friendly, it kills me.

My children are the hope of the future...they are the one's who will solve this laundry puzzle...in fact...they are working on it as we speak...turns out you can ignore everything I just said...they just walked in the door from school, wearing the same clothes for the third time this week. So much for the great problem solving skills and the Laundroghini that was never used. If CPS calls, tell them I am washing their clothes right now. ...."ding."