Monday, March 30, 2009

Since you all love questions so much...

Just when you thought I was all kinds of freaky...and that fo shizzle I was listening to some seventies "love making" music....I pose this question to you...

At what point is grocery shopping an illness?

I mean...when you hit 3 stores in one day. Because something is free...and you don't want to miss out...something that you don't even need today. In fact, probably won't need it for the next 4 that something to see Dr. Phil about?

Would he ask me if I went to bed hungry as a child or if I had some deep-seated fear of not being able to feed my babies?

Would he wonder why just a month or so ago I printed every available coupon to acquire more than 30 bottles of mustard, BBQ sauce, and hot sauce...for free. FREE, people. Do you realize that FREE is a four letter word. An "F" word at that. Not THE "F" word...but just as sex addicts are aroused by that one...I think I am aroused by the other one. FREE. (Just got chills up my spine people.)

So seriously, friends. Do I need an intervention? family HAD to go on WIC, just to keep me and my FREE cereal in milk.

How many boxes are too many? 10, 15, 20?

Remember, I have 8 kids.

So will it bring shame to my already bad reputation if I confess, right here, right now, that I have... um...

76 unopened boxes of cereal in my closet.


I acquired 30 of them this past week. FREE. Oh yep. I am so lit up by that word.

"Honey, get the handcuffs out...and the milk." I'm in the mood for a little threesome, just you, me, and the captain. Yeah, baby. Captain Crunch.

Bow chicka wow wow.

Apparently a little out of touch...

Dear fellow bloggers and blog readers...

Please accept my sincerest apologies. I didn't realize that having handcuffs in my underwear drawer placed me firmly in the "freaky" column. Even rendering the queen speechless. I had no idea that it was THAT out of the ordinary.

Lest I be misjudged, misquoted, and otherwise labeled incorrectly...let me clarify.

Chris H...The handcuffs have not attributed to our family size...unless you count them as an act of prevention. Sometimes you just have to hog tie the hubby to get him to leave you alone. LOL

Katie R...My life must not be near as exciting as yours...I can't even think of anything blogworthy to write about. You, on the otherhand, do something at least once a day...often more...that sends you running to your keyboard to share with all the world. Excitement rocketh not my blog.

Bogart...Much to my dismay, pink and fuzzy they are not. Cold, plain, metal. Therefore...sitting in my dresser drawer...NOT being used. (Had we had the pink fuzzy ones...we might have 16 kids instead of fact, I think the Duggar family is marketing their own set of cuffs right now.)

Queen April...You have run into crazies at the gas station more than once, work in the land of the fake boobies, have past acquaintances with prison records, and handcuffs leave you speechless? Wow. Happy to oblige. ;) Just wait until Boo comes home with a belly piercing, tatoo, and a boyfriend with a "Shaggin wagon." LOL :)

Sandra...Dear, sweet, Sandra....rather than leaving you scratching your pretty red head, and wondering if you do REALLY know me...let me clarify...they were from a bachelorette / bachelor party. Wedding gag gift.

So that is the big secret....the handcuffs were not a "Hey honey, let's go up to the Castle and grab us somethin' fun...." kind of thing. They were GIVEN to us. Geesh. I would never spend my money on something like that.

I'm saving up for the love hammock...that hangs from the ceiling.

(I really hope you all get that this is SARCASM!)

Your not-so-freaky, totally misunderstood Maid.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

So not ready for this question...

I realize I haven't been around on this here blog for a while, but my only excuses are uninspired, overbooked, and overtired. I guess 7 kids and an infant will do that to you. ;)

So...I will leave you with this one little question that my 5 year old daughter asked me this past week....

"Mom, why do you have handcuffs in your underwear drawer?"



um... (I think I have it!)...

"Oh, honey, that was from a Halloween costume one year."

Phew. Narrowly escaped that one.

Now, I am just waiting for her to figure out that we don't celebrate Halloween.

The Maid

PS - Hope you all are well...sorry to have been absent so long. To the faithful, keep checking back. My juices are flowing and I feel some really mediocre writing coming on. LOL

(What? If I had said "Great writing" you all would think I was conceited. So keeping true to form, and ever so humble, I had to write mediocre.) Wink.