I am good, but GOD is awesome.

All too often I end up answering this question...

"Hi, how are you?"

like this....

"Eh, okay."

Not wanting to say what is really on my mind.

"I suck. I'm doing sucky. I hate that I suck. I hate that I don't like where I am right now. I hate that I don't like my family every minute of the day. I hate that I don't live for the little moments that everyone thinks are so great. I hate that I have a ton of weight to lose. I hate that I am getting old and wrinkly. I hate that I hurt when I wake up in the morning. I hate that we are pretty much financially ruined. I hate that we are down to one car. I am really depressed that I don't have a perfect spiritual connection with the Lord right now. I don't like that people can hurt me so easily. I don't like being one that takes things so personally. I don't like that I can still remember things that people said to me in highschool that made me feel badly about myself. I hate that my hubby and I have so much to do and never enough time. I hate that when I get to spend time with him, I am always worried about the other things I should be doing. I hate that when I am doing the other things...I hate them. (Laundry, dishes, cleaning up disgusting messes in bathrooms, looking around at the ruined dirty floors, ruined furniture from years of sharpie markers and soda spills...etc.)" And... I hate that all of these things inhibit my answer to that question from being this one....

"I'm doing great."

Really...that is what should come out of my mouth every second of every minute of the day.

"I'm doing great. God is faithful. My life is rich and full. My kids are okay. We are together. We are still loving each other between the tantrums. We have a lot of fun. We laugh a lot. We eat good food and often. We live in a place where we can step outside and walk and play and do whatever we want 9 months out of the year with no regard for terrential rains, snow, blizzards and massive bouts of humidity.....and on and on and on."

Seriously.

New years resolution employed.

That is it. That is the one to hire.

You have got the job.

Yep...you're hired!

From now on, let it be...

"I'm doing great."

Why the change of heart?

Well, it is a new year. And I don't want to resolve to do all of the things I know I will fail at yet again. Call it wisdom, call it pessimism, call it whatever you want...but I. Am. Done.

So my attitude needs to wreak of gratitude.

Gratitude that maybe I am not where I want to be physically, financially, or even geographically, but this side of heaven this is as good as it gets. My kids are healthy. For now. They are here. For now. And I pray that this post is not prophetic, but at any given moment any of it can be taken away.

Normalcy could change to living in a hospital room with a sick child. Or being whisked off to heaven myself with my own illness.

The mediocrity of my life, the hum drum laundry doing, sticky floor wiping, and the plain old repetitiveness of it all could change in an instant.

I am reminded of all of this because I have been reading blogs.

All kinds of blogs.

One linked to another. That one linked me to another, and so on. I don't even really know where I have been.

Except that a curly headed little boy named Jaymun lived and died in just a couple of short years. He breathed his last breath last year. October.

Another little baby was born on 11/11 the same year as my littlest guy. She didn't even make it to her first birthday. While I was busy celebrating my boys' birthday and watching his curly cute head of hair get filled with cake and frosting, that family was aching for the same.

Then there is Stellan. Many of you know who that is. A sweet little munchkin. Fought for his life for so long. He is doing well now. Symptom free since late last year.

Of course there is Andie Grace. We went to her funeral last April, I believe. She lived 6 weeks. Tragically died of a heart condition. She was precious. My heart still breaks for her family.

I've also read about sweet little Jonah. Who is the little brother to Gabe who died when he was just 37 weeks from the same condition that Jonah is suffering through now. Painfull blisters and skin, nail, etc...conditions his whole life. If he can get through the dressing changes and stomach the feedings. Because the blisters are internal too! And his sweet mama gets to do all of that hard work and feel his pain every day.

There is Selah recording artists' The Brooks family who lost Audrey at birth. Only got to hold her for a couple of hours. (She is expecting again...a healthy baby who she will name Charlotte in June!)

And another Selah artist, Nicole Sponberg, lost a perfectly healthy baby shortly after of SIDS at 2 months old.

Another blogger, pregnant with baby number 7, lost her firstborn in a tragedy as a car plummeted through a restaurant they were dining in several years ago. They all miss her life and the "normal" of it all still to this day.

Of course there are people I know conquering battles too. Sweet Jamie and Matt, and their son Ben. He is battling Leukemia as we speak.

Our friends little guy, Michael, spent most of 2009 in the hospital undergoing chemo for his Leukemia battle. What brave parents and brothers and sisters they all are!



These are just a few of the precious people who have inspired me recently.

Do I not get it?

When will I ever get it?

My silly prayers for things that my Lord already knows I need. My petitions for wishes and dreams, protection, and even finding lost keys. Can you even believe that our God hears each of those requests and meets them as eagerly, readily, as he does when MckMama is praying for her childs very life to be spared?

Our God is so amazing. How could I not be grateful that I am here in my home scraping gum off of the couch, wiping poop off of the carpet, and washing every article of little kid clothing that hits my floor each day? These are the moments of normalcy so many of my fellow bloggers are begging to go back to.

Lord, please continue to have mercy on me! I have been given so much...and so much more is expected of me!!

Again, I know that what is normal for me right now could be washed a way in the blink of an eye. All of it. One kid, a hubby, the whole family. Life is precious.

I just pray that I could grasp the sweet breath of every day as I live it and not wish away all of my "not so perfect" days.

My 2010 resolution is simply that.

Enjoy each and every breath this year. Gratefully acknowledging the giver. And praising the Lord, that our party of 10, has 2010, together.

So go ahead and ask me now, "How are you doing?"

"I am good but God is awesome."

Straight out of Luke 6:45b

"What you say flows from what is in your heart." (NLT)

"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." (NIV) Luke 6:45 (in full context)

Happy New Year!

The Maid with an overflowing heart