Sunday, August 10, 2008

Seven days makes one weak.

We have all seen that saying before.

Usually plastered on a church marquee. Inviting you to come in and be refreshed. Okay, so maybe it said something like this:

"Seven days without God makes one weak."

And let me tell you...especially if it is the week before school starts.

Can I just admit how ready I am to send the squealing estrogen monkeys back to school...along with their brother? And who says you have to be 5 to go to kindergarten...I mean I have a perfectly capable 4 year and 8 month old daughter whose mother would really benefit from her being in school.

This past week has been a challenge. Eye rolling, fighting, screaming, tantrums, slacking off from chores, and making demands. And the kids have been worse.

Call it boredom, togetherness syndrome, the heat, whatever, but we are all ready for them to go back to school.

Which makes me wonder, why on earth did I ever want to homeschool all of them? At once. I blame the hormones. It takes nothing short of a miracle these days for me to make it through the day with a song in my heart and a mouthful of encouraging words. ("Good job honey, wow what nice handwriting (on the wall), could you turn up that program because I really love the Cheetah Girls?")

Not.

So I am truly looking forward to the new year. The smell of fresh crayons, new backpacks, and the air of excitement...it will be such a great day. Until they leave.

I know, it sounds stupid, but I can't wait to plant their little butts on the school bus and blow a kiss, but the minute I walk back into the house...and it is a little quieter, and I am left with my daily responsibilities without a dose of "Why can't we have McDonald's?" it will be strangely sad.

I still enjoy the kids that will be home with me, but the chaos that makes me so crazy also makes me feel normal. I know where everyone is. I can hear them.

Put those people on a bus, and...well....I worry.

Will they make it home safely? Better yet, did they even get to their classroom today? (I mean who else out there worries that some pedophile could have them half way to Mexico before the school calls to say they never showed up?)

Will they make friends?

Will the kids with glasses get picked on?

Will they get enough to eat?

Is their teacher kind?

Or is she old and cranky and ready to retire?

(These are the things you often don't know until it is too late. Like last year...but that story is for another blog!)

Will the teacher let them go to the bathroom? (Oh, and boy is there a story there!)

And what about the bus ride home? Will they have a place to sit?

Did I mention that I don't like that I worry?

I really don't. I wish I had the laid back attitude that my husband has...which is usually that everything is and will be alright. Until it's not. Then you can worry.

Thanks honey. That helps.

So aside from the emotional drain that this past week and the impending week have been, let's talk about the financial drain.

With three of my seven going off to public school this week (1st, 3rd, and 5th grade)...here is the list of supplies that the school, uh hem, requested. (Translation...if you don't bring these things in, the teacher will be forced to eat cup o noodles all year because she had to buy your kid crayons.)

Ready...you're gonna love this:

5th grader:

1 (2”) 3 ring binder
1 pencil case
Several red correcting pens
1 package of colored pencils/ water based markers/ crayons
4- 8 highlighters (pink, yellow, blue, green)
***Looked everywhere...only had packs with blue, yellow, pink and orange...sigh.
#2 pencils-regular (at least 36)
***One or two pencils can last me six months...what the heck?
Erasers (pencil top and pink)
Glue sticks (at least four)
Scissors
3 boxes of family style tissues
**My kids don't need kleenex...they use their sleeves.
Dry erase markers (4-6)
Loose leaf writing paper-not colored ( at least four packages)
4 Spiral notebooks (One subject)
5 pocket folders for each subject (homework folders will be provided)
Ruler that has both metric and customary measurement
Protractor
Disinfectant Wipes (at least three canisters)
***Excuse me? Three canisters from each child? Dude...aren't there janitors there? Are you sending my kids to clean the restrooms during recess?
Sheet protectors
Gallon Zip Lock Bags (1 box)
Copy Paper (1 ream)
***Yep...no need for the school to even provide the paper that they print out they syllabus on anymore...just ask each kid to bring in a REAM of paper. Geesh.
Old Sock
***First reasonable request on the list! Do I get brownie points for sending in old underwear too?


Third grader:

1 pencil box with a lid
Small pointed scissors
Pencil Sharpener with lid
Colored pencils (set of 12 or 24)
2 boxes of 24 count crayons (one for August and another for December)
***Could we ask for December supplies like in December? We have enough to deal with in August.
A clean sock or dry erase board eraser
1 composition notebook-any color

Items to be collected and shared:
(Translation...some parents won't cough it up...so we all get to cover their slack. Sounds like communism doesn't it?)
2 packages of #2 pencils (please no mechanical)
1 package wide lined filler paper
1 package of pencil top erasers
4 dry erase markers
2 highlighters
4 glue sticks
1 box of Kleenex
1 bottle of hand sanitizer (opt)
1 container of Clorox or Lysol wipes(opt)
1 box of Ziploc baggies (opt)
***This teacher at least mentioned that some things were optional. Translation: If you don't send those things in, we will assume that you are also on the free lunch program.

First grader:

***Note this may not have been the longest list...but I was cracking up at the anal retentive nature of the list, as well as the gigantic expectations! Oh, and not printed here, but there was a disclaimer: This is a suggested supply list and there might be additional supplies requested by the teacher during the first week of school. Which also could be interpreted as...Supply list: Round One!

4 boxes of 24-count Crayola Crayons (to be used 1 box per quarter) ***Crayola brand was bold and underlined...in other words...don't cheap out on us and send in the Schoolio Von Hoolio brand that you got for a penny at Office Max.
20 glue sticks (if you’d like to purchase more that would be great) ***Yes, I believe I would like to purchase more, because I really believe that my child will be using a full glue stick every week this year and I haven't spent enough money! Dipwad.
2 boxes of tissues (Sigh.)
1 inch, white 3-ring binder clear-view pocket on the outside of binder
1 box of number 2 WOOD pencils
2 pink large erasers (not pencil toppers)
1 box of Ziploc sandwich baggies and 1 box of gallon sized Ziploc baggies ***Again...please make sure that it is ZIPLOC (bold and underlined on her list!) brand...we don't want the cheap Wal-mart baggies that could actually save you a few dollars.
1 container of baby wipes (boys only)
1 container of Lysol disinfectant wipes (girls only) ***At least we shared the wipee burden between the genders here...thank the Lord for coed classes.
4 thin-line, dry erase markers & an old, clean sock (for wiping) (blue, red, green, or black-but not fluorescent)
1 pair Fiskars, child-sized scissors ***Again with the name brands...geesh.
2 wide-ruled single subject spiral notebooks
backpack to carry papers to and from school (NO WHEELS-please)
$5.00-$10.00 donation per student for SCRAPBOOK film development
***What? Oh yes, please let me assist you in making a small fortune to go scrapbooking in the name of "teaching." LOL

Let me issue one small disclaimer here: we love our kids' school. They do a great job with our kids and in including the parents with special programs and lots of fun field trips. (Second mortgage will come in handy to finance all of those field trips, etc...but it is great fun, nonetheless.)

If I didn't believe in what it is that they are doing for and with my kids, I would excercise another option in their education. (Hee Hee, I said excercise.) We are truly blessed. They have excelled and absolutely loved their time at their little school. (With the occasional disgust with cafeteria food, homework, and being disciplined...but that is what puts hair on your chest, right?)
So, I did it. I sent my kids off to school with my last $2000.00 neatly packed and invested in the contents of their backpacks. We took pictures, we prayed, and we called Countrywide to let them know that they won't be getting our mortgage payment this month.

Sigh.

10 comments:

for a different kind of girl said...

Thank you for this hilarious post, which is exactly what I think! Especially about the whole 'pedophile having them halfway to Mexico before the school calls...' part! I think that EVERY YEAR!

I'm going through last year's leftover school supplies to see what I really have to buy. Probably everything, and then some.

Seven and a half more days (not to be too technical - ha!) for us!

Marcy Massura said...

Okay this post was awesome for so many reasons.
First- because of all the typing you must have done to get all those lists in the post. Impressive.

And second because as I pulled up your site I was too was staring at 'The List' I am expected to pack for my kids this year. You got off easy with only one reem of paper. I have to bring a total of SIX! And the klennex? what is with that anyway? Your comments were all hysterical- but the 'are they sending my kid to clean the bathrooms' had me cracking up the most!!!! So TRUE. Next thing you know we are gonna have to start sending in coffee for the teachers lounge and maybe a little weed killer for the playground too!!!

Happy school year to you. I am SO GLAD you are not attempting to home school all of them. Come over to the dark, opps I mean happy, side with us other mommies!!!!

April said...

You crack me up Bex! And I totally agree. Remember the days of just showing up for school with your new school clothes and that was it? If you were really cool, or really selfish like me, you brought pretty pencils with your name on them. The thought of using a community pencil with someone else's teeth marks . . . ick.

Anonymous said...

You crack me up. My 10th grader doesn't start until next Monday. He asked me if I went online to get the supply list. HA! This old dog learned a new trick. We homeschooled him until 7th grade. The last three years I have gone and bought everything on those lists only to have him come home the first day with more lists... GRRRR!!! So, I told him that the way things have gone the last few years, we will be buying his supplies after school the first day. And we will be going straight to Staples. None of this running around trying to find stuff and having Wal-mart and Target be out of stuff.

As for the free lunch program. Our son has some blood sugar issues... well, he's got a super high metabolism and if he doesn't eat constantly he starts shaking and gets nauseous. So... we keep snacks for him in the nurse's office. In the spring last year we were having trouble getting him up in the morning and so he didn't get breakfast a bunch of days... he'd end up in the nurse's office. Well... we I got a call from the nurse. She wanted to be sure that I knew that even though the school is in an affluent area that they still have a free lunch program and then directed me to where I could reply. Uh.... thanks??? Needless to say, even though he is damn old enough to take care of stuff like put snacks in his bag... I do it. If he doesn't have time to eat something... I make him a sandwich for the 1/2 hour ride to school.

At least yours are in the cute grades. And you can still help them with homework. That's a real plus. Nothing like having what used to be one of your babies coming to you for math help... and them getting angry because you can't help.. and having to suffer through the accusatory looks and what seems to be a third eye on their forehead. Oh, and then there is the assumption that you have the ability to read minds and know when stuff like zit cream, deoderant, and hair gel have run out.

You know what? I'm grumpy today. Can you tell?

The Maid said...

Different girl...
I did go through the last years supplies...I even felt guilt for sending one child in with last years scissors. Sigh.

Marcy...
Don't be too impressed, some cut and paste skills were employed too.
6 reams of paper? Can you imagine all of the teachers in the office dividing up supplies to take home. LOL
Oh, and don't suggest the coffee or the weed killer thing...they just might be asking next year! LOL

April...
Nothing worse than seeing a classmate chewing on a pencil that was in the booger eaters mouth just a few moments before. Those were the days.

Coffee Bean...
I, too, have a 10th grader this year. Who is doing an online school...which I cannot help him with! ;) I feel ya!

Oh, but sadly, even with a bachelors degree, I often cannot help my kids with homework...even in first grade. What are they trying to do? Make engineers out of all of them?

(Maybe it was the 80's and the use of Aqua net which clouded my mind and my understanding of fractions and graphic calculators. Yep...they are doing that stuff earlier and earlier!)

OH...and can I just say that I can relate to the nurses comment to you? When my kindergartener got his front teeth knocked in on the playground while waiting for me to pick him up, I got escorted to the nurses office. Needless to say I was just doing a drive by and wasn't prepared to be "seen"...in my husband's boxers, a yucky shirt, my daughters black and leopard hat to cover my unwashed hair...oh and with my 3 year old and 9 month old in tow...nearly naked...the nurse watched in horror as I used her phone to call the emergency room and dentist. The look on her face when my three year old started going through her desk and found some chips...that she immediately started cramming in her face.

I scolded my daughter and apologized and the nurse lovingly looked at me and said..."Oh, it's okay, she probably needs them worse than I do."

Translation: I know you must be on welfare because your daughter has not been fed, your baby is naked, and you are dressed like a goodwill reject.

Yep...we are so alike, Coffee Bean! :)

The Maid

Anonymous said...

I now have a post up about your comment to my comment in your comment section.

chandy said...

What the heck, does each kid have his own personal white board now? What's with all the dry erase markers? I suppose by the time my youngest starts school he'll be required to take his own laptop.

At my last office they always had to lock up the supply closet in August because all of the parents who worked there were stealing office supplies for their kids. I can see why now.

Chris H said...

I am thankful EVERY day that school is COMPULSORY.. I could not live without school... even though I only have two littlies now, I still love taking them to school. Why do they have to have holidays??? HUH? At one stage we had 2 at primary school (Yr 3 and 4), two at intermediate school (yr 7 and 8) and two at college (yr 9 and 10), IMAGINE the costs involved with that... three different schools ... three different uniforms for 6 kids, three lots of school fees X6 kids... no wonder we were always broke! And lets not go into their school books, sports uniforms and fees... yadda yadda yadda. I don't like kids .... why do I have 8? I LOVE babies... why couldn't they stay babies? *crying*

Bogart said...

Wow...you are really making me want to start saving for school...and I don't even have kids yet.

Oh yea, the extra #2 pencils are for fighting...pencil fighting. That is the best!

The Chemist said...

I don't know why, when I was a kid I always liked lugging that stuff to school. I didn't care that it was school stuff. It was stuff and new stuff at that.

I'm thinking the name brand thing is because so much of the cheap stuff these days sucks so hard. When I was a kid, you picked up some safety scissors and it didn't matter who made them, they friggin' worked. (Well, they were safety scissors, so they sucked, but they sucked just as hard as the name brand scissors)

Now a poor college student, I'm falling in love with name brands for certain things (scissors especially) that I find dull out and wear thin far too damn quickly for my purposes.

Then again, it could be that communism thing at work again, they don't want to inspire envy among kids who can't afford name brands mayhaps?