Dreaming bigger...

As a child, I remember dreaming this time of year. Dreaming big. Not just lower case big, but upper case B - I - G! I remember making my full page and a half list of all of the things that I wanted for not only Christmas, but my birthday too. (I was "blessed" to have a December birthday.) While I often missed out on getting to celebrate my birthday with my classmates, I had a great mom who insisted that my birthday would be a separate and grand celebration. None of this birthday gift wrapped in Christmas paper business....but a full blown goodie fest of an entirely different style. It was always something special. She even made me cakes. Not any cake, but clown cakes, train cakes, a 3-D Smurf cake complete with blue icing...and more.
Good times.

She made it fun. She took on a dozen kids...piled in a car (long before the mini van and seat belt laws) and escorted us to "Pasquale's Pizza"...the best pizza ever. And, pizza places back then. They rocked. None of this tokens and games business...nope. It was more like the "dimes in juke boxes" kind of rocked. And that was cool. And we had fun. Laughing, dancing, scarfing pizza, drinking (soda people, I was 9 for goodness sake), and present-opening fun. Good, old fashioned, 1980 style fun.

I would sit among the unopened presents and my mind would go crazy. In my wide-eyed little girl brain, I was already baking in my Easy-Bake oven, playing with my Fashion Dolls Fashion Plates, and dreaming up the most artistic Lite-Brite scenes you could imagine. I knew in one or two of those boxes there would be clothing. But that was okay too. Courderoy jumpsuits, knee-high socks with sandals, and velvet dresses. I would wear each and every ensemble with pride. Hair parted proudly down the middle and pulled up on the side with plastic barrettes or maybe even piled in a half pony on top. Yep, with pom poms or bobble hair bands. (I still can't figure those things out.) I was loving life. In fact, I would write all of my great birthday moments in my diary with the little lock and key that never really worked. ;)

There might even be a gift or two with cash in it. Yep...remember cash? The perfect fit. The perfect color every time. None of these plastic cop outs...gift cards. These, "I don't know you well enough to know what you like" kind of gifts. (Hey, don't send me hate mail. I am a 37 year old who loves a gift card, but gift cards for kids has become the cop-out gift. It was always so much fun to open a game, a toy, or even an ugly, but thoughtful outfit...beautifully wrapped. There is something anticlimatic about being handed an envelope with a rectangular shaped piece of plastic in it when you are 9.)

Those were good times.

At about 10 or 12, those times came to a halt. I'm not saying that I never had a good party or a great gift after the age of 12, but the dreaming seemed to stop somewhere in the early double digits and I don't know why.

Maybe it was maturity. Knowing that Santa didn't exist, and your parents had limits.

Maybe it was disappointment. Knowing that dreaming the big dreams didn't always pay off. (Like the time you got the educational toy instead of the Barbie Van.)

Maybe it was the "surprise ruiner." Knowing what you were getting before you got it was always a buzzkill. (Thanks cousin Suzanne.)

Maybe it was all three.

But something has resurrected the dreaming. Several somethings. They are 17, 13, 11, 9, 7, 6, 3, and 1. In fact, the dreaming began anew in November of 1992. My eyes were opened to the world of dreaming again.

They are not only the dreamers around here, they ARE my dreams. Seeing them happy, watching them delight in a good and perfect gift. Knowing that I get to help make their "wish list" become reality. Their joy is my business. Making even the difficult ones come true, exceeding their expectations, going one better than their dreams...that is my biggest dream. In fact, if I receive nothing tangible...this is good enough.

This year, I can't give my children their dreams. I can give them only needs. Maybe a single want. Nothing big. No big dreams. This year, I can't go it one better. I can't deliver Ipods, cell phones, designer clothing, electronics, bikes, play kitchens with fake food....I just can't. I have asked the Lord to give me what I need to bless the socks off of my kids, and it is just not in the cards this year. How can I get excited about giving my family a mediocre Christmas? They only get to be little, to be "dreamers" for a short while. Why, God, won't you give my husband work so that we can pay ALL of our bills, take vacations, buy the braces, and of course "Do Christmas" ? Still, no answer.

And then it hit me, if I, being evil, know how to give good gifts to my children, how much more does the father in heaven long to give good gifts to me?

It is written in Matthew 7:11 "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!"

All I am required to do is trust Him.

I would certainly ask my children to trust me. To trust me to know what they want, what they need, and to go one better.

And yet I have such a hard time trusting Him. Trusting Him to give me what I need, what I want, and to "exceedingly, abundantly" give me more than I could ask or imagine. How could a loving God not provide for us to pay our bills and give our children their childhood dreams?

And then I realized He already has. While we are financially bankrupt, for now, we still have a roof over our heads. We have no shortage of food on the table. We have clothing out the wazoo. (Although my wazoo is busting out of most of my clothing, I am covered.) And as far as giving my children their childhood dreams goes...they have the ability to dream. They can indulge in fantasy long enough to make some amazing wish lists.

And my delight is not to be in filling each and every request, but in just listening to them dream and dreaming with them. Sharing in their excitement at the prospect of Christmas and what new things it will bring. They will live the dream in going to special church services, worshipping Jesus, having cookie night with Granny, going to Jesus' birthday party with Grandma and Grandpa, and bringing gifts to the Angel tree kids...and many more special festivities.

Yep, as I have been listening to my kids make their lists or shout out their top 3 "wants" for the chaos that is Christmas morning, I realize that the dream is alive and well. And that my mind has once again begun dreaming the big dreams.

They are just different now. Very different.

I want...

Peace in my home.
Love in my heart.
The freedom to worship Jesus whenever and wherever I choose.
Family gathered around at every opportunity.
To reach out to people who are alone.
Warm memories and maybe some snuggles with a partially toothless three year old and a chubby one year old.
A cup of cocoa or apple cider because it means slowing down and doing things different...and that it is winter.
The health to enjoy the season.
To greet each day with a genuine smile of gratitude.

Yep, Jesus...that is a big list...what do you say, maybe we can dream these dreams together?

Love,
The dreaming BIGGER Maid

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4