Friends, Romans, Countrymen...
'Tis your glorious maid here...you know the one who puts an extra chocolate on your pillow.
(Hey, I didn't say that I wouldn't take a bite out of it first.)
Just checking in to say that I am off for a weekend retreat with the butler...oh, yes, we are hanging the do not disturb sign for sure! We are going to, uh hem, work on our marriage. It is a marriage retreat...and I hope we pass the test.
It has been 3 years since we have been in a hotel room alone with no kids for two nights! Woohoo!
I will talk with all of you precious people when I return. Hopefully I will learn something significant about the dear butler while we are away...like he loves to communicate and really wishes I wouldn't stop talking...or that he enjoys mopping and wishes he could do it every day.
Hmmm...and what will he learn about me? Well...that I really like to take a bath or shower ALONE and preferably without a cheek grab from him. And that I know the only reason his side of the sink is cleaner than mine is because he throws all of his junk on my side. Yep, I'm onto you buddy.
So when I return enlightened, about how we should control our emotions, share our lives with each other, and edify one another always...I would really like to find that one of you dear bloggers has sent a repairman to our home in our absence to repair our 55" Big Screen TV. (Nope, this isn't really ours...ours looked worse than that.)
(Don't ask me if I totally made the butler so mad that he threw a ladder through it, I will deny it. That is my story and I'm sticking to it. Really.)
While we are away learning how not to do that, could someone please undo all of the damage we have done to our kids along the way too? (Thanks Ruby and Elliot...you have your work cut out for you.) Whatever you can't undo, Oprah can capitalize on later.
Okay, so really we are not that bad...doesn't everyone have a trailer trash fight once every ten years? What I mean of course, is a girls gone wild kind of fight where clothes get torn or you have to break something to let it all out.
Spill it. You know you all have at least one juicy story...I am going to have a contest...yep...that's it. Leave me a comment while I'm gone detailing your great trailer trash fight story and when I return, I'll pick a winner with the help of the angry, I mean, loving butler.
Don't worry I won't send you a kid or a fish or something...it will be a great prize...something really practical...like all of the leftover candy bars my kids didn't sell or something. (Giggle.)
Have a great weekend,
The gentle and quiet Maid. (Believe that and boy do I have some great swamp land for sale.)
Disclaimer #1: No butlers or maids were harmed in the writing of this blog. The ladder through the tv story is shared with exclusive verbal permission from the butler himself, he only asks that you not call him the angry butler. He is, after all, a musician (drummer) and you all know what musicians can do to a hotel room. Hee Hee.
Disclaimer #2: If you are living in, haved lived in, or ever plan to live in a trailer, please do not be offended by the term trailer trash. We have lived in trailers more than once, so we are highly qualified. If you are trailer trash, please know that it is simply a term of endearment...yeah, that's it. And lastly, if you are a girl gone wild, please know that the butler and I will be praying for you. Please put your shirt back on and get off of the keg.
11 comments:
oh wow...i hope you have a GREAT weekend...learn lots, then come share with me. :D
most of our fights are within my head, meaning, he was passed out and I was a raving trailer trash thrower. I had many nasty things go through my head that I shall do to seek my revenge.
Other than inside my head, heart and fists, our fights are the icy icy coolness that can be felt for miles.
Hope you have a great weekend. Unfortunatley, my husband is the quiet and calm type. It is so hard to fight with him...
Can't wait to hear about your weekend when you get back!
Kimmy
Sounds fun to get away!
Have so much fun!! Can't wait to hear of your adventures:)
Hey how did you know I was on the keg?
Uberman is always very calm and rarely raises his voice. It can be infuriating. But I once threw a shoe at him. I missed. And I can't remember why. Why I threw the shoe, that is. I missed because I throw like a girl.
Have fun and try not to get knocked up again. Oh wait.... Never mind. :)
Hope you're having a wonderful weekend. These seems impossible to me, but my husban and I have been married almost 14 years, and honest to pete, have never had a fight. We barely even disagree.
Maybe it's because he learned early on that he'd never be defeated by me. Hmmm..
Ha!
Ok, these people are not real! We have had LOTS of fights in our marraige and I´m not proud of it, but we are both very direct people and it has come many a tear.... But since I went to Canada alone in April of this year, we have not had a fight yet. So that´s the magic solution! If I had known, I would have gone sooner. I also forget and forgive our fights so fast, that I could not tell you of one, off the top of my head. So no prize for me. But I hope you have a great time on your weekend get away!
Okay....we live & fight in Tennessee! And if we fight in the back of our property we can stare at our neighbors 3...yes, THREE trailers on his one acre. With an old refrigerator and broke pick-up truck for lawn ornaments. Is that trailer trash enough for ya'll?! Hope you had a great weekend. Hubs & I are going in November! ;O)
I cannot believe all the action going on in your bloglife. You are a busy lady and i mean that most respectfully!
Congrats on the new bundle growing in your womb! That is fire-up fun.
And about fighting stories, well honestly....I don't mean to sound pious but my marriage is super awesome perfect and like, we never ever fight and we have sex everyday and birds sing on my window sill and wake me every morning. So, I am not sure what your problem is but maybe that marriage encounter weekend will do you some good! So maybe when you are done you too can live in perfect harmony.
PS...can I borrow your ladder?
Hey!
Oh my gosh, that Brenda cracked me up with her comment!
Well... we've had a few trailer trash fights. Fortunately, most of them were in the early years. I can think of two from the first year we were married... The first one my husband wouldn't give me my keys so I could leave. We lived in a two bedroom apartment and we wrestled and banged around... shoot we even took a break where we sat on the floor across from one another all sweaty and panting. My Dad called... we fought over the phone and I told him about it. He told me to grow up. I was offended because I wanted him to come over and rescue me... maybe even beat my husband up. My husband started laughing because of the look on my face. I think we then went out to eat or something.
The other one was a couple months later and I got the keys and actually made it into the car and locked the doors before he could catch me. When I started backing up, he threw himself on the hood of the car... I gently squiggled the car trying to shake him off...
Oh my gosh. This is an anonymous comment. Got it? Gee, here we are twenty years later... got a big ole travel trailer parked in our driveway too...
Seriously though, we had a rough start. I can honestly say that I am glad we stuck it out. We did go through some pretty intense counseling and it was hard but the pay off has been more than I ever hoped for. My husband is my very best friend.
Oh... and sorry about the barfy mcbarfest or whatever you called it above. That sucks.
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