What DO you do ALL day?

This is for all of my friends out there who have ever been asked (As I was not so long ago...by a girl friend and mom no less):

What do you guys do all day? (GLARE)

And here, my friends, is my reply: (If you get my email, you've seen this before...just humor me)

* Try to sleep

* Realize I can't sleep

* Get up

* Eat

* Clean DNA off myself (sometimes mine, sometimes not)

* Yell

* Clean up

* Eat some more of what the kids are eating

* Start laundry

* Sweep and vacuum up what we ate

* Clean counter to fold laundry on

* Begin folding laundry

* Take phone call

* Start grocery list

* Fold more laundry

* Eat laundry (just checkin)

* Peel kids off of walls

* Scrape kids gum off of walls

* Throw away swept up pile of mess from previous eating session

* Put some clean laundry away

* Look for previously started grocery list

* Do more laundry

* Clean the rooms where the kids had put away clean laundry

* Try to determine (via sniff test) which laundry they threw on the floor is clean

* Finish grocery list that I just found in the laundry room

* Sort remaining laundry while in there

* Kill small bug

* Go and get paper towel to pick up small dead bug

* Hear baby cry and go get baby

* See unstarted washing machine

* Put soap in and start machine

* See dead bug still on floor

* Forgot paper towel so go get toilet paper to flush dead bug

* See daughter's name written in cursive on bathroom mirror with something wet and greasy

* Admire the cursive for a minute

* Realize that hungry, crying baby is clawing out your eyeballs and go get nail clippers

* Sit down on couch and clip nails

* Go get wipee to clean up nail clippings (package empty)

* Put baby in swing

* Go get new package of wipees from storage in laundry room

* See dead bug again

* Use wipee to pick up dead bug and take both into bathroom to flush

* Admire the cursive on mirror one more time and pray as you flush that wipees are flushable

* Go get paper towel to clean mirror

* While grabbing said towel and mirror cleaner, put soap in dishwasher and start it

* Go clean bathroom mirror

* See wipees on counter and remember hungry baby and nail clippings

* Go to clean nail clippings and find baby sleeping in swing

* Fix self diet coke and let fizz settle

* Washing machine dings that it needs attention

* Go tend to machine

* Pull more laundry from the dryer and bring to set on kitchen counter

* See diet coke and take drink

* Give up on having a clean house

* Think about fixing kids a late lunch

* Bribe kids to rub my back as it appears they aren't hungry

* Answer phone

* Go immediately to pay bill electronically on computer

* Remember more things for grocery list which I've lost again and start a new list

* Fix "starving" kids bowl of cereal who complain that I never fixed them lunch

* Clean up remnants of other things they have eaten even though they are "starving"

* Rewash already washed clean laundry that got thrown on the floor

* Watch food network show (while trying to tidy living room) and be inspired to cook dinner

* See how much laundry was on the kitchen counter and decide not to cook dinner

* Throw clean laundry from counter onto couch

* Tell kids to get off the piles of clean laundry on the couch

* Change diaper wearer who leaked onto the clean laundry on the couch

* Have sibling bathe dirty diaper couch laundry sitter

* Clean what I already cleaned once before

* Probably eat something that was left on the counter by a kid

* Rewash clean laundry that was on the couch

* Sweep crumbs off of the kitchen floor in last ditch effort to "clean" house before hubby arrives

* Get side-tracked while looking for dust pan, broom, and/or vacuum and decide to clean up bathroom after sibling who bathed dirty diaper couch laundry sitter

* While in bathroom, flush DNA of non-diaper wearing sibling

* Hope they washed their hands

* Clean toothpaste off of bathroom counter where hands should have been washed and apparently no toothpaste actually made it onto toothbrush

* Pray for miracles for teeth which did not get brushed

* Pick up hand towel off bathroom floor

* Wipe up more DNA

* Take towel to laundry room to be washed

* Hear hubby coming through garage only to realize that:

The laundry baskets are just as full as before, most children are not bathed, the folding has been unfolded, the clean has been uncleaned, the kids are still hungry, dinner is not fixed, diapers are dirty once again, "tidied" rooms are now ground zero, nursing infant has not been fed all day and has now dipped below birthweight while surviving on thumb saliva, realize that I have not peed all day, and that once again I am covered in DNA (some mine, some not)...collapse, try to sleep and wake up tomorrow once more to....repeat list.

If you made it all the way through the above entry, you are either thankful you have only one child, thankful that your children do their own laundry or choose to be naked, or a mom who can totally relate and who now knows that you are not alone!

Also...remember what your mom used to say..."Ask a stupid question...get a STUPID (nonetheless true) answer!"

Happy MOM-ing.

The Maid