The thing I was thinking long and hard about today was the dumb things that I have had to say to my children. Or the things that have just slipped out.
Do you ever go to discipline them and what comes out of your mouth is a useless rambling that makes no sense and you get laughed at? I hate when that happens. I have it all thought out, but when the words mix with the emotion...I sound like a moron.
EXAMPLE: "Don't chew with your mouth full." ??? You knew what I meant right? See, moron.
I may be a lot of things, but I know I am not a moron. I mean I have a degree for cryin' out loud. A real one, not one of those Sally Struthers mail order ones.So anyway...short but sweet, here is my list of things that I have said to my (moronic)children lately:
* Would you just grow up. (Um, yeah mom...I'll get right on that.) Then they do.
* Don't ride your brother like a horse.
* Please fill the bathtub with water, not just shampoo.
* When you take a bath, please wash with soap. (Must specify body parts too)
* Don't pick your sisters nose.
* Gross, don't eat that. (I will spare you)
* Put your clothes in the laundry room...only the dirty clothes please...oh, and in the hamper...not on the floor! DUH!
* Brush your teeth...with toothpaste...for more than five seconds. Nope, do it again.
* Please don't shove the phone at me after telling the person on the phone that I am on the toilet.
* Please don't tell the person on the phone that I am on the toilet.
* Those aren't your underwear! ??? (Wasn't my husband, in case you are wondering.)
* Please don't hurl the baby headlong into the wall while pushing him on his pooh bear toy. (Smack! *%#$*)
* No you may not use my scrapbooking scissors to cut your hair.
* Who's hair is this on the bathroom counter?
* Get that diaper off your head.
* Get that cereal box off your head. (Teenager)
* Get that (fill in the blank) off your head.
* Don't color on the walls.
* Who colored on the wall? Cabinet? Pantry door? (A child literally wrote Pantry on the pantry door...thanks Martha Stewart...we couldn't have found it without you.)
* No thank you, I don't want dread locks.
* Ouch, you are pulling my hair!
* You shouldn't drink soda for breakfast...now hand me my diet coke, crushed ice please.
The dumbest thing I have said to my kids lately:
"Who wiped this booger on the wall?"
As if.
They are so not answering that question.
The dumbest thing my kids have done lately:
Wiping boogers on the wall/floor/furniture/bedding...hello? We own stock in kleenex, buy toilet paper in bulk at Costco, and have been known to have $50.00 worth of wipees on hand at any given time...must we be so gross?
My apologies to those who don't have children, really, they are a delight. (Giggle giggle)
To those of you who share in my parental frustration...what are some dumb things you have said as of late?
10 comments:
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Ahhh haaa haaa haaaa! The boogers! What is up with them? I can't tell you how many times I have said 'PLEASE get a kleenex'. Grrrr.
The latest and greatest moronic thing my children caught me saying was "Go put toothbrush on your brother's toothpaste & bring it to me!" The sad thing is, I knew something wasn't right with it, but it took my kids to point it out to me....MY BRAIN IS FRIED!
OMG! That's was so darn hilarious! I hate when my tongue gets tired like that cause then my kids have a LEGIT reasaon to CORRECT me! ROFL! Boogers on the way . . . . LOL . . . love it!
I have said "Don't chew with your mouth full" as well as "Stop talking with your mouth open." There are so many times when words fly out of my mouth and I am thinking at the same time "I can't believe I'm saying this."
My favorite is "Get your hand out of your pants." Oh, boys are great aren't they?
Mine is always "Buckwheat, don't play with that thing."
Or, "Buckwheat, don't pick your nose!"
Followed by.. "No, BUCKWHEAT!! DO NOT EAT IT!"
Gag. No matter how many times I've slapped his little hand away from his nose, he still does it. Just last weekend though, we had a breakthrough.
While at a friend's campsite, Buckwheat proceeded to pick his nose. Yes, the child has no shame, and at 3 will do it in front of anyone. Just as the hubby was getting ready to slap the boogered hand away from the mouth, Buckwheat flicked it off into the grass.
So, we had to congratulate him. Just like I had to congratulate him yesterday when he stood in the dooryard, pulled his shorts down, and wee'd on the lawn. Such exciting times!
My kids are always laughing at me but I can't think of specific things I've said in those situations... I must be blocking them out.
LOL - You've got me thinking! I'm sure I'm guilty of quite a few weird sayings!!!
"Come here so I can spank you"...okay I can feel you cringing...so don't worry folks I DON'T spank. But I just like to say this to my kids..the comedy is until about age 4 they would COME!Now I say it and we all giggle. Does it stop them from doing whatever they weren't supossed to be doing? NOPE
When my kids pick their noses, instead of wiping the boogers on the wall, they say "Here mommy, I have a booger." And they hand it to me, as if I want to keep it or something. And the worst part of all? I actually TAKE it from them? Why do I encourage this behavior?
One of my favorites...
You shut your mouth when you are talking to me.
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