Oh, the Pressure!

I am a fairly new blogger, in that I have only been on this darn thing since about mid-March. And when I say on it, I mean ON it. I may not be writing often, but I am reading - all over the place - pretty much every day. To my own peril.

So, I have discovered a few things.

There is this PRESSURE in the blogging world.

Not pressure to write every day, not pressure to link everyone to your blog, not even the pressure to have the best template or header...although I think it is a secret contest amongst bloggers..."My blog looks better than her blog."

Dude, I am all about the cheap, fast and easy. Ask my family. That is how I cook, dress, and shop. (I didn't say "I" was cheap fast and easy...geesh.)

I don't buy a ton of stuff at Walmart because I love it, I do it because it is all conveniently thrown under one roof. If Nordstrom's had groceries, I'd overspend there too.

So anyway, the PRESSURE, that I am referring to is this:

On almost every blogging site you will find a talented, crafty, sewing, photo-taking, photo-sharing, recipe making, healthy cooking, Martha Stewart cloned organizing junkie who is naturally funny. (I said ALMOST...don't assume you are funny if you are not. Some people are just boring and self-righteous and want to make you feel like a slob.)

I can handle pressure, I mean I have kids, right? I get the juggling of many balls and wearing of many hats thing. (I know, hee hee Scarlett, I said balls.)

Listen up, though...this pressure is taking a toll on me. I am overdue for a pedicure and it has been months since my last haircut. I look like this. I laid on my couch looking around last night and thought...we are so messy. We are such slobs. We are THAT family that no one wants to hang out with because their dishes sometimes get put away dirty and your feet stick to the kitchen floor.

(No, I didn't mean any disrespect to "We are THAT family"...a highly respectable blog with great humor and all of the other pressures...good photos...blah blah blah, thanks for raising the bar Kristen. LOL)

Have you ever been to one of those houses? You know the ones where you would rather hold it than go pee?

That is the state of our slovenliness I am afraid.

Not even Mr. Clean and all of his magic erasers can help us now.

So if we can't even keep ourselves bleachified and sparkled up, then how, my dear blogging friends, can we keep organized? No disrespect to my sweet friend and her organized life, but I don't think that any more organizational websites baskets and bins, pails and cute little taggy things are going to keep my kids and their stuff put away and the pee off the toilet seats. (Or the even grosser DNA that we find around my house. Shiver.)

Now let me address the other pressures...

Cooking for my family? Um, nope. I prefer the dining out option, when we can afford it. Since we are still waiting for our stimulus check (dream on debtors), our meals look a lot like this. Especially since Safeway had them on sale and you got free movie passes when you bought a gazillion. (Pretty telling, I'm afraid when your 18 month old can request a "Ha Pocky" for breakfast.)

Since I don't cook, I like to offer my family lots of choices. At any given time we have 10 boxes of different cereal, four different types of Oreos, a selection of goldfish, and a basket of rotting fruit. (Don't look at me in that tone of voice, it wasn't rotting when I bought it.)

I used to be all afraid of sugary cereals, but as a dear friend taught me...if you feed your kids a steady diet of sugar, they won't freak out when they get it. Aaaahhhh, wisdom. And as far as the fruit thing goes, we are enjoying the health benefits of the fruit as it decomposes in our presence. It is reverse juicing. We, by osmosis, absorb the rotting fruit gasses, and when you add that to our Gummy vitamins, we are a picture of health. (Take that you kefir eating wierdos.)

Oh, and all you organic only eating, green leafy vegetable toting, co-op produce swappers...I prefer my pesticides, because I will not become the bug eater. Just jokin' neighbor...I think it is great for you to eat that ruffly fresh off the truck California stuff...I'm just saying my super washed hairless, bugless bag salad is the way for me.

One other thing I have discovered from the world of blogging is that there are more than a few of you out there who are raising chickens. This girl, that girl, and I think even this one. Dude, I know that the chickens poop out the eggs, but that is a farm fairy tale that I don't want to witness. And I just can't see myself uttering the words, "Daddy's out in the coop...go fetch me some eggs."

And let me say that I am a bit slow on this here computer stuff. "Ifins we had one of these back in my day", well, I might be all over this bad boy. But to all of you who are posting the great articles and photos and making it seem effortless (Marcy), just know that it took 3 people from my family to post this one photo on my page. "Itsa gunna be a while fer me."

Lastly, the naturally funny part. Well, um. I plead the fifth. I am with Queen April when she says, "What if I run out of funny" and people don't want to read me anymore. Well shoot, hun, that is when we have to pretend to be all deep. You make a favorite smells list or resort to ripping off material from your kids.

Action figures up the whazoo in the shower...that gets em every time.

I am vowing to prove our state of disunion to you all...photos of the mess will be coming soon. My teenager just needs to pull the sheets off of his face (it is almost noon, you know) and help me upload them. Be afraid, be very afraid.

The not so organized, totally un-organic, in denial about being un-healthy, non-cooking, apparently non-cleaning, not-so-funny, Maid.